How to bitch about your colleagues to friends on the phone

18Jan07

Ever had a colleague drive you mad that you just had to call up a friend and make her listen to your annoyance? Say you were Andy in a Devil Wears Prada and you wanted to vent your frustrations about Emily or Miranda on the phone but didn’t want them to know you were talking about them, how would you do it?

After all love them or loath them, co-workers sometimes drive you insane. With there outrageous demands, insane behavior and interesting mood swings.

Here are some tips on how to talk about them on the phone even if they are within hearing distance.

1. Make up a nick name
With so many TV and movie character around there has to be one that bears either a striking physical resemblance or same mannerisms as them. Like two of the girls from work are such good friends that they sometimes remind of Romy and Michelle from Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion. It helps that they’re both blonde too.

(We all know how much I like to call some of my colleague’s Patsy and Eddie, from Absolutely Fabulous because of the hair resemblance and the fact that when one say’s jump, the other asks how high.)

2. Have a code
Agree to a mutually understandable code for certain words. Like when Romy goes for a smoke break, you can tell your phone friend that “Romy is queuing up to get into hospital” – get it? Lung cancer.

Or when Michelle is wearing something gobsmackingly hideous, you can mention that “Michelle’s electricity went out again” – because she must have gotten dressed in the dark (and it definitely isn’t the first time).

3. Keep it simple but ironic
You don’t want to go too over the top. Otherwise everyone will think you’ve lost it

4. Keep the calls to once or at most twice a day
And try to have them at different times of the day. We wouldn’t want people to catch one now would we?

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